God Loves Me

So, I've been in and out of the hospital twice now.
I go back to school tomorrow, something I haven't been to in over a week now.
Honestly I really can't wait to get 100% better. I'm tired of coughing and being easily exhausted. I'm sure this can be attributed to the internal tear.
Not that the most important person in my life even cared to see if I was okay after two and a half years.

I decided to clean my room last night.
Which I'd like to say was a bad idea, but in actuality it brought on something amazing that I've only told one person about.

As I was cleaning I kept running into things from my and Kevin's relationship.
Stupid little things like our photo booth pictures from Valentines Day, notes we had written in geography, and tons and tons of dance pictures.

It got me a little down. I recalled how he promised me the world, that he would never leave me, never break us off as he has, always be there, and would always love me. I came to the sad realization that those are all now empty promises.

My mood kept depleting, but instead of sticking to myself in the dreary mess of a room I created, I decided that I would confide to someone these thoughts of abandonment and hurt. I was no longer going to silently grieve, and be full of regret over a situation I cannot control.

After the conversation I ran into my bible. So I began to read in a book I have never paid attention to. It's Habbakuk, my new favorite book.
What reaklly stood out to me was Hab 2:2-3 which states something like "and the Lord replied to me" write the vision, clearly on tablets "that he may run who reads it".
I don't know how or why, but this just applied itself to my heart. So I wrote it on my arm in permanent marker. I continued to clean, feeling somewhat better and stumbled upon "The Purpose Driven Life", and decided to actually read it for what it's worth this time. The first day in the book is clearly a message of hope to me. Again my mood improved. Then I picked up my Jesus Freak Promises book and read some on Rejection and Love, and I just felt God with me last night. This has all affected me in just one night. My heart is happier, because I encountered God again last night. Something I think I may have been missing.

While I am completely excited over what went on, I still feel heart broken. I know all wounds take time to heal. I can't help but hope that he and I will get back together, and will be able to tell other's going through break ups this story someday.

Even if that never happens, I'm still thankful for the time I had I guess.